Yesterday I went to visit my mother. I found her watching Animal Planet and doing her nails. We watched some sort of animal rescue show which featured wholesome types finding a dead dog in a bin. We cried. Through our tears we tried to trace back when we had both gotten 'into' animals (not that you have to be 'into' animals to be upset by the whole family pet/plastic bag/wheelie bin episode...). We blamed my mum's sister and her affable puppy ('He likes cucumber! OMG he likes CUCUMBER guys! He's like a PERSON ohmigod take a picture!). Now we want dogs. Lots of them. And cats. I think liking animals is making me a nicer person; which is useful to know in case I need to become mean(er) anytime - like if I one day have to dump/fire/kill someone I can harden up by torturing kittens for weeks beforehand as training. I would never do that. Here is a big picture of a cute and happy kitten to prove (I love law) how much I love the felines and wouldn't hurt them:
Although I did once say I'd kill a kitten with my bare hands to be able to sing and dance and act in a BIG FAT WEST-END MUSICAL*. Not that kitten though. Maybe if there was a Nazi kitten (I'd 'just know') or one who really wanted to die so it could join its kitty family in dead kitty heaven where everything is made of tuna and mice...
Anyway. My point was initially supposed to be this: because I like animals now I have been watching some Attenborough series about mammals and during the 'Rodent' segment I learned a
very interesting fact which perhaps can be used in a complex argument for abortion. Basically, Attenborough films some marmots which look like this:
Apologies for the crappy 'frame' and the not-very-endearing-picture-of-gormless-marmot but bear (haha) with me. So, I'm watching Atty, reaching for the tissues, remembering what it was like to be cool and suddenly the mum marmot starts attacking its pregnant daughter marmot child. Shocked I think Atty is a sick fuck and not a national treasure after all, but his voice reassures me that all will become clear. And clear it does become, basically - because it gets super cold where these little guys live, only so many babies between the gang will survive the cold winter (imagine Atty saying that). In Winter they hibernate under ground and all the adult marmots huddle around the baby marmots to keep them warm/alive and it is super cute and very effectively explained via thermal imaging guff. The adults know they can only support so many babies, so the mum marmot viciously attacks her pregnant daughter marmot in order to induce abortion. This makes perfect and natural sense - they can't protect the babies so are going full cruel-to-be-kind. I like this a lot. Surely this could shut pro-lifers up.
Or maybe the pro-lifers will then take to the marmot world and start separating pregnant marmot females from their mums and letting them 'rest' and not lift things up and feed them organic milk and really nice bits of grass and then the baby comes out in a nice incubated cell-pen somewhere in southern California. Then we can all go poke and play with the baby marmots in the marmot 'sanctuary' and there will be plaques on the wall explaining why abortion is bad and baby sanctuaries are good.
ANYWAY. I really don't know how to end this so I'm just going to back away slowly.
OH NO I FORGOT MY ASTERIX! (Can you believe it?)
*I wouldn't do it for just any musical, I especially wouldn't do it if my costume was 'rags'.
