2 June 2011

Goon writes to snack company

frommiramattar@googlemail.com
tojacobsconsumerservices@unitedbiscuits.com
date17 May 2010 22:33
subjectIced Gems
mailed-bygooglemail.com

To whom it may concern,

Having been, as many children of the '80s were, a great fan of your product 'Iced Gems', I found myself embroiled in a debate with my then classmates which has yet, after some 15 querulous years, to be resolved. 

It consisted of the following disagreement: Your biscuits - a delightful and colourful sugary shape sitting on a biscuit base - suggest that the jewel shaped sugary treat is the 'gem'. However, grammatically speaking, the biscuit base is in fact the gem given that it (the biscuit base) is the noun being described by the adjective 'iced'. 

Thus, shouldn't the biscuit base look more gem-like and the icing look less so?

Unless of course the intention is that the sugary shape is the iced gem, presumably an invisible gem that has been covered in icing, that is; iced, and is now resting on a biscuit base which, sadly, has no place in the title. If this is the case the product becomes 'iced gem on biscuit base' or, better; 'iced gems on biscuit bases'. Wouldn't you agree?

Granted, neither of the above are catchy names, but isn't the name 'Iced Gems' somewhat misleading?

I am an editor of various prestigious underground publications and a proud pedant to boot. Plus I have a sweet tooth and would like once again to enjoy your lovely treats but find myself unable to do so when my stomach recoils anxiously from this grammatical error every time I extend my hand towards your product in a shop.

As you can imagine this is, at times, very distressing.

If you could reply with some explanation or solution I assure you of my lifelong custom.

Many thanks,
M. Mattar
Trouble-makers
-----------------

----- Forwarded by Joanne Jones/Technical/UK/United Biscuits on 19/05/2010 11:12 -----
From: Jacobs Consumer Services
To: miramatter@googlemail.com
Date: 18/05/2010 12:36
Subject: 20/024263JJ
Sent by: Joanne Jones


Dear Ms Mattar

Thank you for letting us know about your disappointment with Jacobs Iced Gems.

We thank you for taking the trouble to contact us with your views, as consumer opinion is very important to us. Your comments have been passed to the appropriate quality control personnel at the factory where the product is manufactured.

We acquired this product from Jacob’s over five years ago, and have not considered altering the name or product.

It is very important that people let us know their opinions, as they help us to continue to look at ways of improvement and for us to ensure that each and every one of our products reaches our consumers in the best possible condition.

Many thanks for taking the trouble to contact us.

Yours sincerely


Joanne Jones
Consumer Services Coordinator

-----------

frommira mattar miramattar@googlemail.com
tojacobsconsumerservices@unitedbiscuits.com
date3 June 2010 10:49
subjectRe: Fw: 20/024263JJ
mailed-bygooglemail.com
hide details 03/06/2010

Dear Joanne,
Many thanks for this reply. I appreciate it. I would like to know about the current status of my query, and if it has been passed to the appropriate person.
Regards,
Mira Mattar
--------
fromjacobsconsumerservices@unitedbiscuits.com
tomiramattar@googlemail.com
date4 June 2010 09:44
subjectRe: Fw: 20/024263JJ Iced Gem enquiry.
hide details 04/06/2010


Dear Mira
Thank you for your E-Mail, as previously stated we have referred your comments relating to the product to the appropriate personnel.  However, the product has always been branded as 'Iced Gems', and is the name known and recognised by Consumers.  Our interpretation of the product is, that the icing is the gem not the base.
Thank you once again for taking the time to contact us.
Regards
Joanne
----------
THE IDIOTS WIN AGAIN...but at least we have an answer...
 

4 comments:

  1. thanks! more on the way!

    ReplyDelete
  2. saw this and thought of you...

    The Wilson-Bush Correspondence
    8 Ramadan, 1425 a.H.

    Dear President Bush,

    I've been looking at TV news a lot lately, and have noted that the drug commercials seem full of 'liberal' [Jeffersonian/Kerryan] progaganda. They all tell me to consult my DOCTOR before choosing a medicine -- NONE OF THEM TELL ME TO CONSULT THE TSAR!!!

    My doctor disagrees with the Tsar about which pain killer will best treat my postpolio symptoms. The commmercials are trying to lure me into following research-based ideas rather than faith-based ideas!

    Are you going to allow this heresy to continue?

    Worriedly,

    Robert Wilson

    Thank you for e-mailing President Bush. Your ideas and comments are very important to him.

    Because of the large volume of e-mail received, the President cannot personally respond to each message. However, the White House staff considers and reports citizen ideas and concerns.

    In addition to President@WhiteHouse.gov, we have developed White House Web Mail, an automated e-mail response system. Please access http://www.whitehouse.gov/webmail to submit comments on a specific issue.

    Additionally, we welcome you to visit our website for the most up-to-date information on current events and topics of interest to you.

    Dear President Bush,

    Forgive my mental slowness,but I don't understand your answer.

    Should I follow the research-based opinions of my doctor or the faith-based opinions of the Tsar?

    And: if we should follow faith instead of research, why don't you stop those ads that tell us to consult our doctors and make them tell us to consult the Tsar?

    Your obedient serf,

    Robert Anton Wilson

    Thank you for e-mailing President Bush. Your ideas and comments are very important to him.

    Because of the large volume of e-mail received, the President cannot personally respond to each message. However, the White House staff considers and reports citizen ideas and concerns.

    In addition to President@WhiteHouse.gov, we have developed White House Web Mail, an automated e-mail response system. Please access http://www.whitehouse.gov/webmail to submit comments on a specific issue.

    Additionally, we welcome you to visit our website for the most up-to-date information on current events and topics of interest to you.

    from here....
    http://www.rawilson.com/thoughts.html

    ReplyDelete
  3. Tom, I was just checking that Robert Anton Wilson guy out and a. he looks hilarious and v interesting and b. he made a record with The Golden Horde (Dublin psych pop punk) HAVE YOU HEARD OF THEM? They're awesome check this out [this one is without RAW, the songs just blew me away though you'll love it]:::http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyhAKqPNgS4 (tried to embed, failed)

    ReplyDelete