16 September 2014

Here

Here you do not have to put your hand up and the tallest person is not automatically in charge. Here if you are loud, you can stay that way. Here, if you are quiet nobody thinks you are stupid and they do not make you see a doctor for shyness or a therapist for speaking. Here no one will ask you if everything is alright at home because they already know that what is needed for alrightness at home does not yet exist. Here if you are bad you are not punished with the subtraction of leisure time because here you cannot be bad because you cannot be good, and anyway there is no difference between leisure time and not leisure time. Here you breathe and that in itself is pleasurable. Here you are not measured against the distance from the innocence you are forced to embody. Here you are never found wanting. Here you are not frightened of the tallest person. Here the tallest person is not secretly thrilled by your fear and then secretly ashamed of that thrill. Here capital letters do not exist and nobody cares about full stops. Here you do not have to use adjectives to prove you have an imagination. Here there is no style and the abstractions of mathematics are made beautiful instead. Here no one is special, and there are no charts, and no names on the charts and no stars by the names or empty spaces by the names. Here you do not want to kill your neighbour, or yourself, or the tallest person. Here no one tells you to share because it is the place and not the people that houses the things the people need. Here nothing has a special place and paint is used liberally. Here you can dance with your hips even if they say you're a boy. Here you can kick the shit out of things even if they say you're a girl. Here the ordeal of childhood ends and you will not need to recover from puberty. Here there are no corners to stand in and no doors to stand outside. Here if you do not want to throw a ball you do not have to throw a ball and if you do not feel like reading out loud no one will make you - and no one will laugh at your stuttering voice. Here there are no stuttering voices because no one will force anyone to speak or tell them there are times when they can and times when they cannot. Here you can write how you speak, or how your mother speaks, or how your grandmother spoke. Here you can speak how your neighbours speak and no one will correct you. Here there is no stupid indoors. Here not everything is plastic just because you are small, and you can handle a piece of fruit without supervision. Here you don't have to think about liking broccoli because there will be no taboo on broccoli. Here there is no rabble frightened of vegetables, (though there is a rabble). Here pink is not controversial and has no secret meaning. Here the game is not shopkeep or mother or teacher or killer. Here there is no difference between places you can run and places you cannot run. Here you can dictate your own speed and naps are encouraged.* Here there are no cup cakes and everyone has at least one animal. Here no one looks at you as though you enjoy a freedom they have lost, and you will not be coerced into loving being small. Here you are not be bound by a gaze that says you must cherish your condition before graduating into reality where you will no longer cherish anything. Here longing is accepted but no one is waiting. Here there are no martyrs.** Here all you have to do to sing is open your mouth and sing.

** Here I am misquoting a lyric by PS, sung often to us by H.

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