9 March 2015

Lilina

'He disliked Lilina; probably because he suspected intuitively that she was a person who could fall over and over again into the same pile of broken glass and scream just as loudly the last time as the first.'
Jane Bowles, from 'A Guatemalan Idyll'



is sorrow sentimental?
is prolonged sorrow sentimental?
does prolonged sorrow become sentimental?
is it mawkish? or is it refined?
is it a great capacity or a dwindling light?
is it fierce loyalty or shabby fidelity?
is it forgetful or is it still raw?
is it stupidly timeless or wisely eternal?
is it a new feeling or the same bludgeoning, old one?
does it vary infinitely or is it toneless?
is it its infinite variety or its tonelessness that makes it claustrophobic?
and why is is sometimes expansive, ranging?
does it marble with nostalgia?
does it become delicious and tender? decadent and luxurious?
does it become a space?
does it become fodder for poets and politicians?
does it become comfortable and familiar?
does it become national?
does it make us?
what happens to mourning?
does it flatten over time?
does it spike occasionally when triggered?
or do we flatten ourselves around it?
is its topography predictable?
is it instrumentalised?
does it become the doctor’s ‘acceptance’?
is acceptance irresponsible?
does it console?
is consolation struggle’s dampener?
is loss inseparable from exclusion?
is to lose to be excluded?
does exclusion necessitate loss?
is this about rubble?
is this about lazarus?
is this about ghosts?
is this about miracles?
is this about waiting?
is this about patience?
is this about hope?
is this about masochism?
is this about narrative?
is this about making the most of it?
is this about what doesn’t kill you?
is this about the need for roots?
is this about the need for myths?
is this about getting through the day?
is this about getting through the night?
is this about getting through the week?
is this about feeling it all the way to the bottom?
is this about feeling it on the surface?
is this about rising?
is this about falling?
is this about armature?
is this against healing?
is this against forgetting?
is this against processing?
is this against understanding?
is this against a good night’s rest?   
is this against dreaming?
is this against telling yourself?
is this against telling others?
does each fresh distortion have its uses?
does each scar strip away character?
is this a secret, disobedient gift?

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